From AB/DL to Kandi Raver

Intro

Nube Kandi Raver

     I know I am going to get a lot of crap from both sides. Let me explain where I come from so that we all understand each other. For a while now I have been whats called an adult little. There are other labels for it but I am not too fond of them.

     I don't want to get into too much detail about my little side because I had both good and bad. The concept of an adult little is one who dresses up as a child and gets into the mind set of one. I began doing this because it was my way to reflect upon the world in a positive manner.

     I was bullied through out my school years. I succeeded at overcoming the drama in high school but it still left scaring. My way of dealing with it was getting into an adult size onsie and being a child. In the AB community we call it regressing.

     I hid this part of me because those who I told either accepted it or they attempted to make it sound like they did. In short I began to isolate myself from people because I did not feel like I belonged anywhere. I was constantly given crap for my obsession of My little pony. If people gave me crap for MLP then it would be the end of the world if they knew what I did behind closed doors or so I thought.

Why a Raver

Remix and Cape First

     I am so ready to end the isolation I put myself in. So here is why I want to be a Raver. When I was welcomed to Cape First Church I felt accepted. Something changed inside of me during the time I first started attending Cape First Church. Ever since I came back from the Remix retreat I went on; the wall that separated me from freedom continued to crumble down.

     Let me fast forward to a week or so ago. I was with my Brony friends and we had a great time hanging out. We watched a couple of My little pony episodes together. One of the episodes really stirred me and not in the usual way. It was just a couple of scenes that got me.

     There was a scene with Vinyl scratch the DJ pony and a Raver pony named Pacific Glow. I noticed that she had a pacifier on a necklace. It took a couple of scenes for me to see that it actually was a pacifier. So after coming back home from hanging out with my friends I started doing research on the whole concept of dance music and pacifiers.

     Not all was positive but I saw hope and an opportunity. I have got this idea that if I can give up my regressing for the joy of music/worship as a Raver then I might be able to end my Isolation I put my self in. I felt something deep within me change and it was in short a revelation from God. 

     I am leaving behind the AB/DL community for in hope that I can accept who I am. I may have been healing but I was continuing the scaring. Worst part is the fact that I literally had no idea what I was doing until God pointed it out to me. I was creating a false Identity because I did not want to be hurt like I did in school. My hiding behind closed doors ends now.