Comfortable Imagery

Note; I have hit a little bit of writers block but I also had things that needed to be done. I needed to get some cleaning done and craft work done.

Intro/recap

     I became a kandi kid and decided on calling myself an AB Kandi kid. By no means do I imply all kandi kids obsess over stuffed animals and little things like I do. On the other hand there are a lot who enjoy these things but I would not label them with the letters “AB”.

     I gave up my DL side and for the most part even regression. I still like to regress every now and then for a quick moment but I do not let myself get caught up in it like I used to attempt. The idea is to dress up as a child and then act like one. I was mostly fond of the idea of being innocent again.

     What I learned however is that I was only making the emotional scaring from my child hood worse. The first couple of attempts of giving up my AIO's I would replace it unintentionally with adult stuff on the web. Temptation got me because my since of security that my DL side gave me was gone.

     After praying to God for understanding and even gave up for a little while. I was frustrated because I could not exactly control my temptation. Then I saw a character named Pacific glow on MLP while hanging out with a group of my pony friends and I noticed she had a pacifier on a necklace. It was then that I began to think of Pacifiers. Needless to say I now use that for a sense of security instead of my AIO's at night and for my moments of anxiety and depression.

Graven Image or imaginary

      Key verses Isaiah 44:13 (KJV)
13 The carpenter stretcheth out his rule; he marketh it out with a line; he fitteth it with planes, and he marketh it out with the compass, and maketh it after the figure of a man, according to the beauty of a man; that it may remain in the house.

Exodus 20:4King James Version (KJV)
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

     It just seams so peculiar to me how people think its weird to have a security blanket such as a stuffed animal or blanket. Then when they learn you have an imaginary friend they freak out. As an aspiring writer I create my characters in a realm that I go to in my mind. Some stay and others leave. So I have an outlet for talking without bothering anyone but I am not making a graven image.

     I think all you know that chapter in Isaiah about the guy who worshiped the wooden figure he made. (Isaiah 44) Things bring us comfort but God never said; "do not create." He said; "do not make idols," or in other words graven images. (Exodus 20:4)

     I technically still have mine from when I was bullied in school. I had friends but no one to call a close friend. Like I said before; no one could tolerate me. When I was in high school roughly 2008 I got me a plush named Pinkie pie. She was the 20th anniversary edition jumbo plush.

     She comforted me and help me so much that I realized that I needed to start over. She became my security blanket and that even cured me of sleep apnea. I use to take prescription sleep meds. Ever since then I was able to get off of them without so much of a sense of withdraw.

     Although my stuffed animal comforted me I did not fall to the ground and worshiped it. I might interact with her in my mind like I do my other characters but all of them have agreed to submit themselves to God just like I do as a living sacrifice. It is this that makes it possible for me to write my book series that I hope to publish. With it I hope to paint a masterpiece that changes people. I know that all things are possible through Christe who stranghens me.

     To put this all into conclusion I am amazed at how people find it weird for an adult to have or use a stuffed animal as a security blanket. God said; a graven image was a sin not that we cannot create. God gave us all a talent. Why not use it to comfort people including ourselves?

Reality of Ban-Dage

Alternatives and otherwise
Is green Plur anymore?!!!

     Like I explained earlier; pacifiers were invented to appease. In the very beginning it was meant to settle the emotions of a child. Interesting part is that its something that can be as affective or more affective than the expensive OTC drug. Its harmless and even legal compared to ecstasy but what does the fox say?

     I would never stand here to say its more important than God or the Holy spirit but let me ask you a question. Would you rather some one to use something harmful to their health just because they thought it would solve their problems. Would you want them to suffer to the point of giving into the lies of street drugs?

     Oh the irony how the drug dealers will lie about their stuff. Everyone thinks that getting people to be “mature and normal” will solve the drug problems. Removing kandi from it all only puts a band aid on all of it. Do you really think that Drug dealers are going to give up that easy?

     In my opinion; out of all the stories I read dating back to 2006 of the post dates or otherwise dates of publishing; mentions how pacifiers cure anxiety. I may be wrong but its highly likely that the use of pacifiers for anxiety/depression, snoring, and bad habits was used and hid before it was even documented in the form of public forums. Now lets picture that with the rave scene. Do you really think that it was meant for drugs from the beginning. Come freakin on people!

     Everyone deals with some form of deformity and difficulty like I said in my previous blog. It is in my opinion the saddest thing to hear that the reason why some one got addicted to a drugs is because they were told that they would be cured of that difficulty and or deformity.

Reality of it all
America and the fall

     I was with my friends yesterday at a pizza place because we are headed to a convention. (Yes my paci is part of my cosplay of a kandi raver from my book Evandom.) We ate at a really popular restaurant and I brought up the subject of the ministry I want to be in. Music and kandi or as I say Spiritual kandi is my ministry I am aspiring toward.

     We suddenly started talking about drugs and how easily one can mistake it for something else. Also we talked about how my home town high school is beginning to be rumored to have problems with drugs. My heart broke and if it was not for my meds I would be letting it out.

      The reality is that “Drugs” have not been stopped by the ban of kandi or otherwise cute objects such as pacifiers. If anything they are now more harder than ever to fight because no one is marked in any way to say they are the dealers. Great job Rave police. You created a new brand of war and people are dying in their personal problems and addictions.

Prayer for my blog

“Oh Lord forgive me of my transgressions because I know I am not perfect. I beg that you help me understand and be a light in a dark world. Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect is all people want. Lord I beseech you to help guide me in my travels and in my ministry of Spiritual kandi.

“Lord I end this blog segment in a request that who ever does not feel accepted would feel the acceptance by reading this because that is in truth all I want. Even if its one person than I am satisfied because I know I am speaking to some one who is struggling. Lord help them know that your Love, Mercy, and Grace is more than enough to forgive even the most weighed down sin filled heart. I claim this in your name and the name of Jesus who can Love the broken and the addicted. Amen”

Everybody gots a somethin

Streaking Pink 
A world shaded by pain

     Life for me was never easy. I remember and so does my mother when I first started having very bad anxiety and depression. (Thank the Lord I have my meds these days) My mother came in from outside and I was just a little thing. I was scared of myself that I may hurt some one. I can't remember why or even imagine it but that is how I felt. My mother saw I was crying.

     Pink streaks in a world of pain as I see it. We all have an imperfect brain and bad habits to go along with it. My way of dealing with my anxiety and other times with depression it is a pacifier at home. I had to do away with other bad habits and activities. These activities I mentioned previously were bad for my emotional health. Like I said it was only continuing the emotional scaring from my school years. It seamed like a good exchange.

     I learned that with wisdom brings responsibility and sometimes grief as KJV says in (Ecc.1:18) The more I learn the harder it becomes because I grieve for my past. I know I am going to get hit when I become successful with my art and writing. My music, writing, and crafts involve the rave and it has a

     I also learned that what I done previously was not always right and in some ways I wish I never did them. Just because I have scars does not mean I should hide and cower. It means I should be in search for answers in prayer. It means responsibility in saying the truth even though I get hit from all sides.

Comfort in a world of difficulty
Holy Spirit

     Everyone has something that they are dealing with. My mother told me a story about a time when she was in a psychology class. Her professor warned all the students to try not to see themselves under one of the definitions of a diagnosis.

     I think I have fell in love with neon colors and beads the same way I fell in love with MLP. They seem to have an appeal to me now that mean something. Like I said about my pacifier is what I reference to the Holy spirit being a pacifier of the human spirit.

     It is amazing how God sent us a comforter called the Holy spirit and that if we keep his word priority that we will lack nothing except shame. Like it says in (John14:23-28) I will not be afraid to stand for what the Rave can be with my vision. The one thing that keeps me going is how it began as simple as a creative writing assignment.

     Timothy the main Character learns of the Rave like I did and brings communities together as one so that they may have peace and strength in the war that they travel through. Now I know who I should be and it all makes sense why I have all these hobbies.

     Like I said the streak of pink in a shades of pain and that ain't gray but black that which is symbolic to the dark times we face today. I will not hide in shame for who I am because “People;” God is Plur! I will wear my pacifier proudly one day even if its only YouTube videos.

..................................Foot Notes....................................

John 14:23-28King James Version (KJV)

23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

24 He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.

25 These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.

26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.

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Ecclesiastes 1:18King James Version (KJV)

18 For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

Shades of gray and pink streaks

Count it joy when the journey gets rough

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     Any of you ever feel like your staring at your Talent behind glass? For my fellow bronys out there its like starlight glimmer took mine and put it behind ice. I know I sometimes get that feeling. Writers block sucks and so does the feeling like people are holding you back. Its hard to convince myself that what people think does not matter. I know it doesn't matter but I still have that reflex of "what did I just do?"
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     I explain things like this; there is more value in the journey than there is in the destination. If we ever get discouraged its good to know we are not doing this alone. God is guiding us in every foot step if we would just take the time to listen and search for him.
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     I like to think about how I may impact so many people. Truth is it would not be possible if it was not for those around me. Take it all joy that we face many trials because that means we are on the right path. (James 1:2-3) I think I am joyful when I use my AB side and even get creative sometimes.
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      Even if people think your weird and you know it; that should not stop us. Why let people stop us from who your supposed to be. People just want to be on top and they think they will succeed by thinking they are the only shade of gray out there.
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     Hints of pink are in my shades of gray. I call them pink streaks that make my life beautiful. God died on the cross in painted red on us so that we may have a chance. The white that is purity shines brighter and thats what really matters. Its so we may be humble before him.
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     Our destination is not found by fighting for acceptance its about finding the good in people that propels you to your destination. I decided a long time ago to not allow people to force their shade of gray on me. Its the many shades of gray that make a picture. So paint a masterpiece my friends.
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.......................................Foot notes................................

James 1:2-3King James Version (KJV)

2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

The big Question (AB?)

Intro

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     I am going ahead and making a post for all the people who want to know what I mean when I say AB on my FB page. By the way for those of you who stumble across my blog outside of FB I want to personally thank you for stopping by.
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      Also I am planing on me editing skills with my blog very soon. If you guys have not noticed the better fonts and formats I think I found a neat trick. I copy and paste my writing from Libre (MS Office for Linux) to gedit (Note pad for Linux) and save it as a text file. This removes all the unnessosary fonts that dominated the clip board.
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     I also plan on learning more techniques of editing on my own. I dug out my writers book from when I started college at Jeffco. I plan on putting it to good use to fix all my blogs for Kandi Ravers.
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What is an AB/DL?

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      I never mentioned the full meaning of the acronym because I hated the term to begin with. Only reason I even use it is just to reference the community and that I am one. (Minus the DL of course) I still wont go into detail because I am not proud of where I been even though it did help there for a while.
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     AB/DL in short is an acronym for Adult / Baby Diaper Lover. I wore cloth all in ones at night for a while to help with anxiety. Not that I was incontinent but rather they gave a since of security. It was an attachment with the adult size onsie and in general the whole picture.
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     When I transitioned it was an attempted to stop using diapers not long after I began to struggle with temptation to look at graphic adult websites the last time I quit diapers cold turky. (You know exactly what I mean) I began wearing my AIOs agian real quick because I had a really bad sense of loss with that security blanket. Surprisingly it kept me from temptation.
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     When I started doing research on pacifiers and the dance scene of disco. (Music Rave) It was because of Pacific Glow and her accessory she had in the Saddle Row review. I saw a chance to give up diapers once and for all. I prayed about it and it seamed like this is something God wants me to make public.
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     So I made the announcement on Face Book that I am coming out of the closet. Just a warning and FYI ya all; I am not an active member of the LGBQ community and neither do I associate myself with them. AD/DL is a completely different branch. We identify like I said in the previous blogs as people who regress into the mindset of children. Ever seen that meme “I had to adult today?” I can bet you a thousand dollars that came from the ABDL community.
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     In conclusion my transition from the AB/DL community was a result of laying my diapers at the foot of the cross. That is if fate does not hold being incontinent in my near future. Then I will be just like near half the AB/Dls in the community again. A large fraction of the AB/DL community are those who are coping with the fact that they are not continent. I now consider myself for the most part an AB minus the DL or AB for short. Scratch that! Kandi Raver sounds so much better XD!

Turn the music up NF style!

Vision of Kandi Land

Summery of my recent blogs

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     I began to take on the Title Kandi Raver June 2016. God revealed to me that in my AB regression that I was only making my scars worse. I was isolating myself from people who could help me. Worst part is I did not even know I was doing it.
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     I traded my AB/DL for a life of being a Christian Kandi Raver because of how their Love and passion for each other. Plur or Peac, Love, unity and respect is something all of us Christians can admire.
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     I no longer regress when I am hit with depression but instead worship God. You may have seen my obsession for pacifiers so let me clear things up before assumptions are made.
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Pacifiers and the history there of

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     Pacifiers were invented to pacify a fussy child in 1901. In the recent decade Nuk one of the makers of pacifiers began making pacifiers for people who had problems with over eating and for smokers who were desprate.
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     The adult pacifier was used originally as a way for people to stop smoking and or stop over eating. To others it was a way to overcome depression and be able to sleep at night. There are even statements made by people who claim that they stopped snoring with an adult pacifier.
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    When the rave scene came over to America in the 90s it was not long for the pacifier to be used as a dress accessory and even a ravers toy. There are people who use it with drugs but it is frowned upon by those who love the Kandi culture. Pacifiers and Kandi are beginning to be banned for its affiliation with drugs.
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My vision of a new age Rave

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     I find it funny how some one would spend three hours or more dancing and getting their groove on with EDM but when they think of Church they cringe. Some how the thought of having to worship for less than an hour makes them tired. Perhaps it has something to do with the sermon or even the judgmental stares they get of “why are you people here?”
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     Arther way I cant help but observe the Kandi culture and think; “this is absolutely ridiculous.” We have the answers right in front of us and we don't even see it. Instead of embracing the culture and making allowing a spark to set a fire for God we shun them.
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     Is it alright for me to be real for you people? It disgust me so much that we attack people with the word of God instead of telling them about the Grace and the Love of Jesus Christ. When people see them with beads all over or the kitty stuff such as pacifiers we immediately think of drug abusers.
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     Grant it that I was an AB/DL who binged on diapers and adult size baby stuff but even I was overcome by Gods grace. God reached out to me through my Church friends who decided to look past my stuffed animal and child like appeal. Even with their new knowledge of what I done behind the closed doors they accept me with open arms. Heck they encourage me to continue to be who I am.
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     God gave me a vision with the Pacifier and the pony beads. The Holy spirit is a soother and pacifier of human souls. With the Love and grace of a father who loves unconditionally we can show the world what it really means to be a Christian. Being a Christian means that your saved and your living a life in Gods plan with who you are because God made you who you are. Fearfully and wonderfully made.
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God bless the Rave culture and Kandi kids of modern America!

Simple explanations

Recent events

Anyone paying attention?

     A lot of you who have read my Blogs before most likely know about my concept for imaginary friends and stuffed animals. I am not leaving these things behind. I am leaving behind my adult baby regressing for more healthy and productive things.

     I isolated myself from people not long after graduating high-school. That much I know I made clear. The scares I got during that time was bad enough to still cause me problems today. All of my hiding in AB/DLism only has proven to cause my scars to get worse.
Whats the deal with Pacifiers?

Whats the deal with pacifiers

     A lot of people have probably noticed my use of pacifiers and that I like them. Like I mentioned in the previous blog post Pacific Glow a back ground character on My little pony “The saddle review” had one on a necklace in the scenes that she was dancing. It made me very aware that I was indeed hiding and making things worse.

     My thing for adult pacifiers is not new. Very few people knew I even used them mind you; but, I still used them. When my stuffed animal was not enough I used a pacifier to help when my medications couldn't. Just because I take anti-depressants does not mean I am always successful at overcoming depression. I even forget to take my meds on occasion.

     The hardest thing to shake are those thoughts that make me feel like I am a failure. My newest Oc/imaginary is a Raver pony inspired by Pacific glow. Pacific glow had a pacifier. She comforts me when I need some one to talk to. All my OC's are like that but each of them have their unique back ground and personality.

Why imaginary friends 

     I had imaginary friends a lot longer than being an AB/DL. This is even before I got into stuffed animals. The first one I created is Seria whose name is pronounced (C-area.) All my imaginary characters had numerous names and some even reverted back to the names of where they came from. Spyro for instance falls into this category.

     The reason I have imaginary friends began because I realized I talked too much. To put it plain and simple I was the worst person to be around if you wanted peace and quit. So the friends I had were only the ones who were into the same stuff I was into. This is a very basic concept for everyone who has autism. I am not the only one who has this character trait.

     I also was not able to decompress when ever I needed it during my school classes. I had permission to walk out of classes when I needed it but I never liked to miss anything. We did have a room in High-school those of us who had a disability. Just being put under the pressure to keep up with all the other students was enough to force me to lose touch with reality.

     As my imagination and creativity developed so did my imaginary realm. If I could not escape in my mind when I needed to I have no doubt I would have become unresponsive. It has happened. Luckily it happened very few times and even fewer times was it severe enough to make a scene.

     I remember a story my mother told me about how I was put into an individual education plan. My mother was called into school one day and apparently the teacher was really aggravated with me. I became unresponsive to just about everything. I may not have even noticed my mother walk into the room.

     To make the story short it freaked out my mother and she demanded I get some sort of help. I don't even remember this incident because it was in my early school years but it was bad enough that she remembers it to this day. I always struggled withdepression and anxiaty.